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Purpose by Amanda Hughes

Former Writer of the Week, author, publisher, blogger, and friend Amanda Hughes may be followed on Instagram using the handles, @haintbluepublishing, and

CW: This article may contain information pertaining to subjects that may be potentially triggering. If you need support right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.


A note from the author: Every week I write and post a story to my blog, 52: A Story for Every Week. In a nutshell, I’ve been called “RainMandy” because I have an innate propensity for remembering dates. I don’t know why or how but I just remember dates and the events associated with them. In fact, I have a story for every single day and the first week of January this year I set out to write a portion of those stories, one for every week. The following is Story #38: Purpose.

On September 8, in observance of Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month, I posted on Instagram a small segment of my story around how I was able to pull myself from the dark abyss of depression and anxiety. Because this week marks one year since I had an epiphany that changed my entire outlook on writing and self-publishing, and just purpose in general, this week’s story will serve as a continuation to that post.

I used to be prone to depression and anxiety, and the years spanning 2016 and 2018 were the darkest of my entire life. Many days, I'd go to bed in despair, hoping to not wake up the next morning. I couldn't take my life; I couldn't do that to Shederal and the boys. But I thought about it. I thought about it often. I didn't want to continue living under the heavy, gray cloud of sadness that wouldn't budge.

Most of my depression was caused by my job at the time. I was a caged bird, but I eventually escaped and found joy in a new work assignment and under a new, delightfully infectious boss. In 2019 I traveled a lot, which I absolutely love doing, and I also made the difficult, conscious decision to disconnect myself from toxic relationships that were fueling my anxiety.

Ultimately, finding purpose in my writing delivered me from depression and anxiety, and since then I've only experienced the normal sadness that coincides with grief. In fact, since January of last year, I haven't considered not waking up in the morning even once!

We appreciate all of our October mental health writers, bloggers, and advocates for taking part in this special initiative to share their own experiences. It is our sincerest wish that their stories will help others who feel they are struggling, uncertain, and overwhelmed with their own mental health issues. By sharing these stories we are also proving that there is help, there is hope. May we never forget that we rise by lifting others. Please follow Amanda Hughes on Instagram for uplifting messages, and especially her weekly affirmations.

A new Writer of the Week will be featured every Monday. Be sure to also follow The Writing Wall on Twitter @TheWritingWall, or on Instagram @writingsonthewall85 for the latest. You can also listen to the podcast every 2nd and 4th Saturday of the month. Just search for The Writing Wall on Spotify, Google Cast, Breaker, and more.

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